You're probably reading this because someone you love has died, and now you have to find words for something that feels, right now, like it has no words.
First: you can do this. An obituary doesn't have to be perfect — it has to be true. The most beautiful ones aren't written by professional writers. They're written by the people who knew the person best.
This guide will walk you through the entire process — what to include, how to structure it, how to find the right tone, and how to avoid the most common mistakes. By the end, you'll have a clear plan for writing something that honors a life the way it deserves to be honored.
What Is an Obituary, Exactly?
An obituary is a written notice of someone's death, typically published in a newspaper, on a funeral home website, or shared with family. But in practice, it becomes something much more: the official record of how a person will be remembered.
A standard obituary runs 200–500 words for newspaper publication. A tribute or memorial piece — written for a service program or a memorial website — can run 600–1,200 words. If you're writing for both, start longer and trim for print.
"An obituary is the last public sentence written about a life. It should sound like someone who loved them wrote it — because it should."
Before You Write: Gathering the Details
The biggest reason obituaries turn out generic is that people sit down to write before they've gathered enough specific material. Take 20–30 minutes to collect the following before you write a single sentence:
The Factual Foundation
- Full name — include maiden name and any nicknames they went by
- Date and place of birth
- Date and place of death (and cause, if the family wishes to share)
- Surviving family members — spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings, close friends; list in traditional order (spouse first, then children, etc.)
- Predeceased family members — parents, siblings, or children who died before them
- Career and education — where they worked, what they did, degrees or certifications if relevant
- Military service — branch, years served, honors received
- Memberships and affiliations — church, clubs, civic organizations
- Service details — funeral/memorial date, time, location
- In lieu of flowers — preferred charity or donation, if applicable
The Details That Make It Personal
This is where most obituaries fall short. Once you have the facts, push yourself to capture what made this person specifically them:
- The one quality everyone who knew them would immediately name
- A specific story or memory that captures who they were
- Something they always said — a phrase, a piece of advice, a joke
- A small everyday ritual (Sunday breakfasts, the garden, a weekly call)
- What they were most proud of
- How they made people feel
You don't need all of these — one or two well-chosen details will do more work than a paragraph of adjectives.
The Structure of a Good Obituary
A well-structured obituary follows a natural arc: who this person was → what they did and who they loved → what they leave behind → how to honor them. Here's a proven framework:
1. The Opening (1–3 sentences)
Most obituaries open with: "[Name] passed away on [date] at [location] at age [age]." That works — but it's forgettable.
The better approach: open with the person, not the death. Lead with the detail, quality, or phrase that most defined them. Save the logistical facts for the second sentence.
Margaret Eleanor Doyle never met a stranger. In 84 years of life, she managed to make everyone who walked through her door feel like the most important person in the room. She passed away peacefully on March 14th, 2026, at her home in Asheville, North Carolina, surrounded by the family she spent a lifetime building.
2. The Life Story (2–4 paragraphs)
Move through the key chapters of their life — childhood, education, career, family — but don't just list facts. Weave in a story, an anecdote, or a telling detail that brings each chapter alive. Aim for one specific memory or detail per section.
3. What They Loved (1 paragraph)
This is the section most obituaries skip, and it's often the most read. What were their passions? Their hobbies? The things they talked about constantly? This is where personality lives.
4. Survivors and Preceded-In-Death (1 paragraph)
List surviving family members. Then list those who preceded them in death. Keep it factual here — this section is a record, not a narrative.
5. The Closing (2–4 sentences)
End with legacy, not grief. What does this person leave behind in the people who loved them? What lives on? The best closing lines point forward.
Margaret's family has asked that in lieu of flowers, donations be made to the Asheville Public Library — a place she considered a second home. She leaves behind not just a family, but a way of being in the world: curious, generous, and certain that the right cup of tea could fix almost anything.
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Finding the Right Tone
Tone is the hardest part of obituary writing, and it's where most people feel most uncertain. Here's the simplest way to think about it:
Write like you're talking to someone who never met them. Not to the family — they already know. Write for the coworker who'll see it in the newspaper, the old friend who lost touch years ago, the stranger who happens to read it. Make that person understand why this life mattered.
Some guidelines on tone:
- Warm, not saccharine. Avoid phrases like "beautiful soul," "taken too soon," or "touched everyone she met." These are signals that the writer ran out of specific things to say.
- Dignified, not stiff. Obituaries don't need to sound formal. If the person was funny, a touch of dry humor is appropriate. If they were irreverent, their obituary can be a little irreverent too.
- Present tense for who they were, past tense for what they did. "She is remembered for her laugh" / "She spent 30 years teaching second grade."
- Let the details carry the weight. Don't say "she was devoted to her family." Say "she drove three hours every Sunday to have dinner with her mother until her mother passed."
"Don't say she was kind. Say she kept an extra umbrella in her car in case a stranger needed it."
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Opening with death rather than life
The first sentence is the most-read sentence. Don't waste it on "It is with great sadness that we announce..." Lead with the person.
Listing adjectives instead of telling stories
"Loving, devoted, hardworking, generous." These words mean nothing without a story behind them. Every adjective you write, ask yourself: what's the story that proves this? Use the story instead.
Omitting the survivors section
Family members will notice if they're not mentioned. Double-check names, relationships, and spelling. When in doubt about how to list someone (a step-sibling, an estranged child), default to inclusion — you can always ask the family.
Making it too long
For print, aim for 250–400 words. Online, you have more space, but even then, 600 words is usually enough. Longer is not more loving — tighter is more respectful of the reader's attention.
Writing it alone
The best obituaries are written by one person but informed by many. Call a sibling. Ask a lifelong friend. Read old birthday cards. The best details are almost always in someone else's memory.
A Note on Writing While Grieving
Everything above is advice for writing a good obituary. But here's what matters more: you are doing this while grieving. You may be exhausted, in shock, or managing a dozen other things. The deadline is real. The pressure is real.
If you find yourself staring at a blank page, start with a list — not sentences. Just bullet points of what you remember. The details you love. The moments that come to mind. Then write from the list. Sentences are easier when you have material to work from.
And if you want help — if you'd rather be guided through it by something that asks you the right questions and turns your answers into something beautiful — that's what EverWord was built for.
Want to see the principles above in action? See real obituary examples → Six different lives, six different situations — each with a breakdown of what makes the writing work.