Most people writing an obituary for the first time have the same question: what's supposed to go in here? They know the basics — name, dates, survived by — but they're not sure what else is expected, what's optional, and what would make the difference between an obituary that's functional and one that's truly worthy of the person.
This guide covers every element, categorized by how essential it is, along with guidance on what to do when you're not sure whether to include something.
The Essential Elements
These are the pieces of information every obituary should include. Without them, the obituary is incomplete.
Full Name
Include the person's full legal name. Add any commonly used nickname in quotation marks or parentheses — if everyone called him "Bud" for 70 years, that belongs here. For women, consider including the maiden name: "Margaret Anne (Hicks) Whitfield."
Dates and Location of Birth and Death
Birth date and birthplace. Date of death and where they died (city and state, hospital or home — level of detail is up to the family). Age at time of death is often included but can be omitted if the family prefers.
Surviving Family
List survivors in traditional order: spouse or partner, children (with their partners), grandchildren, siblings. Include family members who preceded them in death as well. This section is important to everyone reading it — it places the person in the web of family who will carry their memory forward.
Service Information
Date, time, and location of the funeral service, memorial service, or celebration of life. If services are private, note that. If there is no service planned, say so — readers need to know there is no public gathering to attend.
The Elements That Make It Personal
These aren't strictly required — but they're what separates an obituary that honors someone from one that merely records them. Most families include at least several of these.
Where They Grew Up
Where they were born and raised, who their parents were, and what their early life was like. This context shapes everything that follows. Even a sentence or two helps readers understand who they were before they became who you knew.
Education and Career
Where they studied and what they did for work. Don't just list titles — if their work was meaningful to them, say why. If they worked the same job for 30 years because it let them provide for their family, that's the story worth telling. Homemakers and caregivers deserve the same attention here as any career.
Military Service
If they served, include branch, approximate years, and any notable service or honors. Military service often shaped people profoundly and deserves explicit acknowledgment. It also matters to veterans' organizations, which may honor the person at services.
Faith Community and Civic Involvement
Church membership, years served as a deacon or Sunday school teacher, long-term volunteer work, lodge or union membership, civic organizations. These were often central to who they were and how they spent their time.
Hobbies and Passions
What they did with their free time. The garden. The woodworking. The fishing. The football team they bled for every Sunday. The novels they read. These details are often what family reads over and over, years later — small, specific, unmistakably them.
One Specific Memory or Story
A single anecdote — even one sentence — that captures who they were. This is the element that most distinguishes a meaningful obituary from a forgettable one. "She was kind" tells you nothing. "She kept a drawer of thank-you notes ready to send at any moment" tells you everything.
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Optional Elements Worth Considering
These aren't expected, but they add meaning — and families are often glad they included them.
Cause of Death
Entirely a family decision. Many families include it when the cause was a disease with a charitable foundation ("after a three-year battle with pancreatic cancer") or to reduce unanswered questions. There is no obligation to include it, and many families prefer not to.
In Lieu of Flowers
If the family wants donations directed to a specific organization in the person's name, include the charity name and how to give. This is one of the most meaningful ways to channel the community's grief into something lasting.
A Quote or Phrase They Said Often
If they had a saying that the family heard hundreds of times — a piece of advice, a joke, a way of ending conversations — consider including it. These are often the lines read aloud at the memorial.
Photo
For online and newspaper obituaries that support it, a photo changes how readers experience the person. Choose one that looks like them — not necessarily their best photo, but the one that captures them as they actually were. Candid is often better than formal.
What Most Families Forget to Include
These are the elements that tend to get left out — not because families don't want them, but because grief makes it hard to think of everything, and no one handed them a checklist.
- Maiden name — especially important for women who changed their name at marriage. Classmates, childhood friends, and extended family search for people by their birth name.
- The name of a spouse or partner who preceded them in death — this is often mentioned in the "preceded by" section but sometimes omitted when the marriage ended long ago. If the relationship was significant, it belongs.
- Grandchildren and great-grandchildren — families sometimes list children but forget to count the grandchildren individually. Many grandparents would consider their grandchildren the most important thing they ever did.
- Specific years of service — "he worked there for 35 years" lands differently than "he worked there." Length of commitment says something about character.
- The small rituals — the Sunday morning routine, the way they answered the phone, the thing they always made at Christmas. These details are what families return to years later, and they almost never make it into the first draft without someone consciously deciding to include them.
- A word about who they were to the people closest to them — not their job or their achievements, but what it was actually like to be their child, their spouse, their sibling. One sentence of this kind of honesty is more memorable than a paragraph of facts.
"The most common regret families have after publishing an obituary is not that it was too long — it's that they forgot something, or that it didn't sound like him."
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should an obituary be?
For newspaper publication, aim for 200–400 words. Most papers charge by the word or the inch, so brevity has a practical value. For a memorial program or funeral home website, 600–900 words gives you room to tell the story properly. Write the longer version first, then trim for print.
Should you include the cause of death?
This is entirely a family decision. There is no obligation to include it. Many families include it when the cause was a disease with a strong charitable foundation (because it naturally leads to a donation request), or when the death was sudden and the family anticipates questions. Others prefer privacy. Either choice is correct.
Who should be listed as a survivor?
Traditionally: spouse or partner first, then children (listed with their partners' names), then grandchildren (by name or by count), then siblings, then nieces and nephews if close. Include a note about who preceded them in death. Step-children and step-grandchildren are often included at the family's discretion. Close friends who were "family in every sense" can be mentioned at the end.
Can you include humor in an obituary?
Yes — if the person was funny, saying so is an act of honesty, not disrespect. Laughter at a memorial is not irreverence. It's recognition. If they had a particular dry wit, a running joke, a phrase they used to defuse tension, including it honors who they actually were rather than a sanitized version.
What if the relationship with the deceased was complicated?
An obituary doesn't have to resolve everything. It should be honest without being harsh. Focus on what was true and meaningful — even in complicated relationships, there is usually something that was genuinely theirs. If you can't write something true and respectful, it's acceptable to keep the obituary brief and factual.
For more guidance, see our complete obituary writing guide, browse real examples of beautiful obituaries, or read about writing for a specific person: writing a mother's obituary, writing a father's obituary, or writing a husband's obituary. If you're facing a blank page, read how to start when the words won't come. Or see what to include in a life story for a funeral. Planning the broader memorial? Read how to plan a celebration of life or what to say in a sympathy card. Ready to have it written for you? Also writing a eulogy? Read how to write a eulogy for a friend. Start your loved one's obituary with EverWord →